Introducing the solution to newspaper funding problems!

The mainstream media has come up with a new way to fund its operations. So-called "metered fact-checking" will be provided to customers. Articles will vary in their accuracy based on how much the customer paid for from the newspaper. The following tiers of service are expected to be provided, ordered from cheapest to most expensive:

1. Complete and unadulterated b.s.
2. Rumor mill
3. Ripped from the New York Times
4. An intern was assigned to it
5. A full time reporter checked on it during a lunch break
6. A full time reporter spent the entire day checking it
7. Guaranteed accurate or your money back

Since free-riding bloggers have been taking advantage of the free content provided by reputable newspapers, the New York Times and others have decided that they will only offer the lowest tiers to their non-subscribing customers. It is expected that they will outsource the fact checking of these stories deep into the jungles of Africa where packs of endangered apes will be given full protection from poachers and hunters in exchange for writing and fact checking the lowest tiers of stories.