Women...

Reading stuff like this makes me laugh a little. It's hard not to laugh at the women who make these mistakes because they are all too often women who are just high enough in the IQ department to be expected to figure some things out. Like... men are uncomplicated most of the time, and that generally a woman can take him at his word when he says "this is what I'm thinking" when they're dating.

A girl I dated actually got on my case because I was predictable... in the sense that she could count on me to be a certain way and do certain things. A lot of her crap was her fault, actually, but that's sufficiently fundamental as to be implied. Anyway, I could never figure out if she was just jonesin for me to randomly clock her, rape her, stand her up, wiz all over her bed. She was short, so maybe I should have thrown some flair into it by throwing her rail-thin body across the room...

Simplicity is elegance. Anyone who disagrees with this is not an engineer of any stripe nor is qualified to ever be one. Women should be eating up the simplicity of the male mind. Men love to please women, it makes us feel strong. If a woman wants to be pleased, dropping a gentle, but direct suggestion works like a charm. Do it with a cute smile and a twinkle in your eye and it could be most things short of cutting a testicle off and putting it on one of this little umbrellas that get used in frou frou drinks.

Now, I've found that having a random and bizarre personality/sense of humor works wonders on women. They suddenly don't want to contemplate the possibility that you were being cryptic and had a deeper meaning. I suggest making vague and menacing references to non-euclidian geometry and astrological alignments resurrecting ancient and terrible cities at the witching hour. Then start singing the Firefly theme song out of nowhere.

Works like a charm.

Take my love, take my land...