Hey tiger--errrr lion

Wherein it is discovered that anyone who uses "think of the children" is probably an extreme sexual deviant:

Eight lion statues with bared anatomy will have to find a new kingdom.

The statues guard a children's water-fountain park and sit across from what will soon be Arizona's largest cineplex in Glendale, just north of the new University of Phoenix Stadium.

The concrete beasts are depicted raising their rear ends in the air, each hovering over a terror-stricken ram in what some perceive as a sexually suggestive pose. The lions' tails are swished to the side, leaving their, er, pride in plain view.

As part of the next remake of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Aslan will be presented as a metrosexual eunuch with a poodle cut so as to avoid any possibility of having to explain what a penis is for (as if little kids had absolutely no idea before). Seriously, folks, you can't make this stuff up because on in modern America would it really happen like this. If you don't believe me, check out this quote from the Vice Chairwoman of Preventing Vice and Promoting Virtue:

Glendale Councilwoman Joyce Clark said the statues aren't appropriate for a family park. "I can see children getting an instant lesson in the birds and the bees, which maybe their parents wouldn't want them to have," she said.

So there you have it. We are now officially scared of our children being exposed to lion penises indirectly lest they develop a fondness for farm animals. Is there any doubt that these "for the children" morality crusaders are some of the sickest, most twisted members of our society? These people need to seriously profiled by the police. Well, I guess in their defense, since elephants have been known to rape rhinos, it could have been a lion-on-ram gay porn statue as opposed to something as mundane as a mere mauling.